There was no excitement during the first trimester, only anxiety. Despite the fact that we had been trying just long enough to start getting frustrated, the positive pregnancy test didn’t come as a relief. We still wanted to have a kid just as much as last year, but I think our reaction was a defense mechanism to avoid another major disappointment. I can’t imagine how couples handle multiple miscarriages.
The most striking difference between last year and this year has been Joanna’s morning sickness. Perversely, and we managed to joke about this, I found it reassuring every time she threw up. Not that I enjoyed the nightly tooth-brushing gag-fest, but it’s amazing what you get used to. Eventually we found a passage in a pregnancy book about a husband being comforted by his wife’s morning sickness, and I felt like less of an ass.
It’s easy to see how pregnancy and parenthood generate extremely strong opinions based on a totally unrepresentative sample size. When I compare Joanna’s two pregnancies, it just makes sense that something wasn’t right last year, whereas now things must be going well because she’s feeling all the traditional symptoms. Then again, I’ve talked to people recently who had perfectly healthy babies without the sickness, cravings or aversions, which helps to keep my theorizing in check.
The first ultrasound was the first truly reassuring point of this pregnancy. The baby turned out to be about a week and a half further along than we expected, and the contrast from last year’s ultrasound was astounding. The baby was active and much more fully formed, all of which was immediately apparent. Still, the ultrasound was before twelve weeks, so all it really did was ease the anxiety a little bit.
The scare in Stockholm was ultimately what made me feel better. Joanna told me at the end of dinner that we needed to go to the hospital, and I immediately felt my stomach drop. After six hours in the ER - seven if you count the hour lost to daylight savings time - the ultrasound put an end to our concerns that night and our reservations throughout the first trimester. As the image came up on the screen, we could see the baby moving vigorously. Then the wonderful German/Swedish doctor explained what had probably happened - rapid placental development can cause worrisome symptoms - which also proved incredibly reassuring.
After that trip I made a couple of dumb comments about socialized health care. I don’t know why exactly since I’m not opposed to it, but I’m an American, so there you go. Our Swedish hospital visit was vastly better than some of our other recent health care experiences. The ER wait wasn’t much longer than usual, the doctor was excellent and we were quickly billed a shockingly small amount. There are other parts of Stockholm I would rather have seen than the Gyn-Akut clinic at Danderyds Hospital, but the end result was that on Sunday morning we were both excited about actually having a kid rather than scared so much about another miscarriage.
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